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Category Archives: Eccentricities

Cracking Up Over Christmas

Before we go any further please apply yourself to puzzling out some of the most humorous jokes you will ever come across. Ever.  Answers will be provided at the end but don’t skip the rest of the post though, let the anticipation build and then feel the buzz drain away from you as the answers are revealed at the end:

  1. On which side to most chickens have their feathers?
  2. What goes up and wobbles?
  3. What type of dog has no tail?
  4. What is green and goes to a summer camp?
  5. What’s a Grecian Urn?

After pushing back the plates of Christmas dinner, my thoughts naturally turned to blogging and it was then that I remembered a much lamented missed opportunity from last year which was to talk about Christmas crackers and the contents therein.  As is tradition around these parts, the pulling of the cracker has been an integral part of Christmas since 1847 and features a wealth of goodies to delight even the most Scroogiest of Scrooges at Christmas.

Fainty sinister example of a cracker pulling found at mediacentre.kallaway.co.uk

Faintly sinister example of a cracker pulling found at mediacentre.kallaway.co.uk

Nothing beats the smell of gunpowder of a lazy Christmas Day afternoon as is attested by the thousands of crackers that go off each year.  It is the ultimate family diversion, of little consequence but always strangely enjoyable and something not to be done without.  Those who fork out lots of money for the so-called luxury crackers with prizes worth ‘winning’ miss the point, it’s the tackiness of the whole ordeal that is so beloved of households everywhere.  For those of you not familiar with this particular treat, here’s a brief and fairly passable explanation of what it all consists of. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 27/12/2015 in Eccentricities, Humour, Life

 

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Shelving That Idea

I’m sat on my bed as I like to do when getting read to lie down in it and I feel inclined to reach for my laptop.  Well I say reach, it’s more of that keep-your-legs-on-the-bed-whilst-dragging-the-rest-of-your-body-across-the-room effort, in an overly strenuous and needless attempt stay on bed, admit it we all do it!  The reason I’ve picked up the laptop instead of winding down is because I just realised how incredibly lucky I am.

SteJ Shelf One

There are many reasons for this, family, friends and all the rest of it but the thing that did it for me today was actually seeing my bookcases.  They aren’t subtle or anything, I look at them all the time but today I have actually seen them.  Like most people  I’ve spent years accumulating books but I’ve been taking them for granted of late because I have them near me, they seem to almost become almost less special for a time..

That is until they come back into my sphere of attention and now they have and I see the absolute awesomeness of having my own personal library.   That hoarded collection is not only words – words of wonder and magic – timeless words but also memories or the promise of memories for those books not yet gotten around to yet. What I love most about having an accumulated amount of paper is the accidental placement and combinations of books.  Having memoirs of life next to sci-fi flights of fancy or staunch atheistic existentialists next to a history of the church is such a whimsical by-product of stacking. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 01/03/2015 in Blogging, Eccentricities, Life

 

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Town Encounter

It begins, as it always does.  A sudden recognition of my situation, this time sitting outside on a bench in the sun.  The bench is one of those metal ones that retains its coldness despite how long you sit there and has a lattice back, it’s also blue but the paint is flaking.  At right angles from me is another bench and a man sits there, he has long blonde hair and for some reason I know he is Australian.

Treemendous

Looking at my surroundings, there are plenty of shops lining the thoroughfare, it’s quiet here despite that, perhaps it is not one of the main arteries of the town.  There are trees at regimental intervals with lush green leaves which seem to revel in the sunshine they bask in.  I have a book naturally,  and it rests on my knees open, the ideas of page leafs and tree leaves amuses me.

I hear a bang above me and look up, the buildings rise three stories and one of the windows opening has startled the peaceful scene.  There is a lady there  with dark hair, she waves at me, well I assume its me but in these situations you never know, so that mortified do-I-acknowledge-said-person-or-not worry kicks in.  After waving back like a reckless fool, a bit of paper is thrown from the window which flutters towards me which I expertly snatch out of the air. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 23/02/2015 in Blogging, Eccentricities, My Writings

 

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Mind Over Matter

I find I am at my most alone in the company of other people and it is worst when queueing.  I hate standing there, feeling awkward, it’s not worth reading a book and there is little else to do but people watch.  Naturally my thoughts turn inward, which is an interesting concept if you think about it.  Inward would imply outside boundaries yet my thoughts can conjure up anything I wish and are therefore infinite so I have to assume that if the universe is also infinite and I am in the universe but have no boundaries, then logically it follows that my mind must actually be inside out in order for this to be accommodated.  Just a thought but I believe I explains a lot.

Found at theintuitivelife.com

Found at theintuitivelife.com

 
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Posted by on 13/11/2014 in Eccentricities

 

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Chippy Ste

chippy tea.The other day – Saturday to be precise – I was sat in Nottingham at about half four in the afternoon having a bag of chips, it was my first meal of the day and allowed me to sit and contemplate stuff as the traffic flowed by.  The people on the buses were very inquisitive about my feast in paper and I made a great show of overly enjoying it because sometimes its the only thing to do.

Animals in zoos should try it, make us all crave some bizarre food, the gift shops would make a killing.  Anyway, settled on a slowly warming metal bench, I considered my place in life.  Chips are of course the food of thought, with plenty of salt and vinegar lavished on them, and I started my thoughts off with my physical place in the world.

Being still whilst everybody bustles around you is always a good thing, unless you are tying your shoelaces of course.  I am always unsure of whether I feel incredibly small in this moving world or at the centre of it, thereby attaining some sort of omnipotence.  Far be it for me to elevate myself so sitting on Hera’s lap or anything but I have written about that sort of thing awhile back somewhere on these pages. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 25/09/2014 in Blogging, Eccentricities, Life

 

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Pause for Thought

 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a good pint must be susceptible to interesting thoughts.

As I sat in the pub quaffing a pint of Abbot Ale the other day, I realised that this blog would have been less substantial and probably less inventive, if not more coherent without the intake of the ‘smooth, dark stuff’.

Photo0147Traversing yet another journey of the imagination and learning (in this case reading The Wine of Solitude by Irene Nemirovsky), I stumbled upon a break in parts.  It happens to me regularly of course but this time I was struck by something new.  Perhaps it was the pint, or perhaps something more tangible yet out of reach of the right words but something made me stop and stare into the above pages.

There was a quality to these leafs,  they felt smooth yet had those wrinkles that seem to be caught in the very fabric of its being.  I like blank pages, I used to just see them as a waste of paper but I was wrong in this assumption and now see them as part of the experience of reading, the canvas of thought. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 05/06/2014 in Blogging, Eccentricities, My Writings

 

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Experiencial Musings

Every so often and in my case the other day when I started Susan Hill’s In the Springtime of the Year (review to follow in due course), I get that inimitable feeling.  You know the one I’m talking about, it’s when you read a page or three of a book and realise you are on the cusp of what is going to be a great experience, that will not only satisfy your lust for words but stay with you in both a literal and metaphorical sense forever.

wallp364--51-

I am a book snob mostly, well I was and sometimes still am but in my moments of sanity I realise that I will never be able to read all those classic and ground breaking works and be truly satisfied without my flights of fancy as well.  These days I find my joys in pulp novels as much as classic literary works and why not, whether it be; War and Peace, Lanark, The Long goodbye, The Secret Island, Winnie the Pooh, Existentialism and Humanism or The Insect Warriors, it’s one heck of a unique and thrilling journey.

In fact it fuels my passion, I never went to university although people assume I have by what I read (and apparently, my ‘you-sound-to-posh-to-come-from-round-here’ accent) but there is no limit to what anybody can discover.  Go embrace books and ideas and learning, find all those fascinating things that you never would have heard of otherwise, the world is a more bewitching place than I can envision and other people’s imaginations are much more interesting and sometimes a bit scary than I would have ever suspected. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on 31/05/2014 in Eccentricities, Life

 

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