Cracking Up Over Christmas

Before we go any further please apply yourself to puzzling out some of the most humorous jokes you will ever come across. Ever.  Answers will be provided at the end but don’t skip the rest of the post though, let the anticipation build and then feel the buzz drain away from you as the answers are revealed at the end:

1. On which side to most chickens have their feathers?
2. What goes up and wobbles?
3. What type of dog has no tail?
4. What is green and goes to a summer camp?
5. What’s a Grecian Urn?

After pushing back the plates of Christmas dinner, my thoughts naturally turned to blogging and it was then that I remembered a much lamented missed opportunity from last year which was to talk about Christmas crackers and the contents therein.  As is tradition around these parts, the pulling of the cracker has been an integral part of Christmas since 1847 and features a wealth of goodies to delight even the most Scroogiest of Scrooges at Christmas.

Faintly sinister example of a cracker pulling found at mediacentre.kallaway.co.uk

Nothing beats the smell of gunpowder of a lazy Christmas Day afternoon as is attested by the thousands of crackers that go off each year.  It is the ultimate family diversion, of little consequence but always strangely enjoyable and something not to be done without.  Those who fork out lots of money for the so-called luxury crackers with prizes worth ‘winning’ miss the point, it’s the tackiness of the whole ordeal that is so beloved of households everywhere.  For those of you not familiar with this particular treat, here’s a brief and fairly passable explanation of what it all consists of.

As ever the contents of our crackers had the typical paper hat, easily ripped by those who don’t wish to enter into the spirit of looking vaguely mental of a day, a toy of some kind which this year, instead of being singular prizes (usually either a tape measure, darts, a pen, nail clippers, plastic moustaches etc) was a set of plastic recorders and pipes.  The box informed us rather belatedly that eight of us would form an orchestra.  A ninth person roped in from who knows where would sticker everybody up and then ‘conduct’ by pointing at each person who needs to play a note (numbered stickers provided to avoid confusion).

This would eventually produce a harmonic rhapsody enough to bring tears to any passersby.  Presumably we were meant to go out and busk thereby gaining money from the sales obsessed public to invest in more crackers next year so the companies could make more devious profits…well played the lackey who thought up that cunning plan!

As well as the piece of paper with the Charades and trivia questions, by far the best thing is the jokes, I say jokes, they are pretty terrible but as I am in the giving mood, I shall share those long-awaited answers with you, feel free to groan and shake your head in mild disgust, I know I did:

1. The outside.
2. A Jellycopter.
3. A hotdog.
4. A brussel scout.
5. Depends on what kind of work he does.