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End Of Part Two, Part Two (Part One)

15 Jan
20140108_164231

It turns out I’m not the only one who reads the phone book…

As flights go, things were pretty standard. Uncomfortable stilted chatting to the person in the next seat – who was amazed that her back pack didn’t fit under the seat, when it usually does – sleeping for forty minutes and then spending three hours worrying at the debilitating neck pain followed by spotting the football stadiums as we came upon London and into land for the smoothest landing I have ever not felt.

After disembarking from my winged chariot like some sort of scruffy Norse God, I was brought down to Earth for a second time by the passport lady asking me where I’d flown from.

Which saw me changing my story several times, as sleep deprivation had left me as deeply confused about anything logical.  I wondered if I would have to live in the airport and wait for Tom Hanks to make a film about me but said lady ruined my chances of fame and stardom by letting me back into the green fielded and white-ish cliffs of Dover land.

That’s when it all – somewhat predictably – fell apart.  First there was the catching of the bus, well all the buses were full but if I transferred down a terminal I could get one in an hour and a half’s time.  I did so and after a three hour wait…followed by motorway queues, a broken bus door, rush hour and then traffic for the Leicester City match (a 4-1 win against Derby will have pleased my travelling companion who had joined me off the same plane to get home) I finally made it to the city nearest home.

It’s worth pointing out I got the express three-hour service from Heathrow which took four hours fifteen minutes, add on all of the waiting and I spent a healthy seven and a half hours suffering.  By this time my phone credit had run out and I had established that in November my bank card had expired so I couldn’t check out the times of trains and buses leaving Nottingham.

In a fit of well deserved pique I decided to get a taxi.  A foreign gent enticed me in to his cab and after attempting and failing to barter a decent price AND the best way home, he promptly drove the opposite way.  Now I wasn’t in much of a state to take this in, but as the buildings got dingier and we started to head south, back where I had just come from, my Ste senses were tingling violently.

When my chauffeur pulls over in an ill lit street and gets out to fiddle with the engine, I naturally  jumped to the only logical conclusion, I was going to have my organs harvested.  Instead he took what looked like a prayer mat out of the – still running – engine and whilst getting back in throws it in like it had somehow wronged him.  One strange man and one baffled man drove off towards Mansfield (the highlight of no one’s travels).I was so bewildered at such a close call that my life flashed before my glazed eyes and steamed up glasses as I finally wended my way north.

After screwing me out of more money than he deserved finally I reached my goal, which appeared, at one point that it would never arrive.  Although I recognised places couldn’t put them in a semblance of logical order so spent a lot of time wondering if I was making it all up.  Anyway I finally made it home only to fall – literally – at the last hurdle as a cat got under my feet.  Sleep followed as I vowed to do it all again at a later date.

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28 Comments

Posted by on 15/01/2014 in USAdventure

 

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28 responses to “End Of Part Two, Part Two (Part One)

  1. Lyn

    15/01/2014 at 21:41

    What an exciting and romantic life you lead, SteJ 😀

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    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:19

      It’s certainly a bit mental I must admit…two years ago I was somewhat of a recluse, hard to believe really.

      Like

       
  2. Al

    15/01/2014 at 21:41

    There is nothing wrong with the cliffs behind my house. I know, I see them every day when I pull back the wooden shutter to my 8 foot high window. 😉

    As for the part two of two part one of two part three, it sounds like it was one that Jack Bauer would have had difficulty with. So glad that your organs didn’t head past me to get on the boats and wend their way to Holland or Timbuktu.

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    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:21

      You just never know these days where your organs will end up…I’m sure mine would have waved in your general direction (somehow) if they did pass by.

      I like a faint sense of ridiculousness to my titles for it amuses me perhaps a little to muchly but that’s what it’s all about, right?

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      • Al

        19/01/2014 at 18:50

        I love the titles 😀 And it makes perfect sense

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        • Ste J

          19/01/2014 at 18:52

          I will giggle when I get around to typing all the part two’s of the next one hehe.

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          • Al

            19/01/2014 at 20:28

            2 2 2 😉

            I said to my daughter the other day
            “Number one,finished first in a single race, but number two had double the wins.”

            So one won one and two won two.

            Or if you are going by the “no name” of

            One won one, but one won two

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  3. RoSy

    16/01/2014 at 02:59

    That sounded like something out of a book!
    Nice to know it has a happy ending. 🙂

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    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:22

      I like to think it is one book in a long series that is in production. Sometimes it is amazing how our lives are like books when we stop to think about them.

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  4. thejerseygal®™

    16/01/2014 at 19:24

    Bwahahaha prayer mat out of the engine, good stuff! Going to have your guts harvested, even better! And that damn cat tripping you up. I’m sure it was all worthwhile. Glad your Ste senses are so sharp.

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    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:24

      My Ste senses only seem to warn me of imminent calamity when I am already to far gone to do anything but be a passive observer…I need to work on that, as well as less eventful journeys!

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      • thejerseygal®™

        20/01/2014 at 18:01

        Oh. Hmmm. The tiredness might have something to do with that. Still awake, but nearly asleep, the brain operates on some other level. Or I’m just there myself, since my sleep cycle is looting and rioting on me!

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  5. readingwithrhythm

    17/01/2014 at 13:08

    Ste’s Excellent Adventure! What a book! What a movie! Glad you’re home safe and sound. I’m guessing?

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    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:25

      I am selling the rights to the film and book if anyone is interested…I like to think Burt Reynolds would play me, he a noble chap.

      Like

       
  6. LuAnn

    17/01/2014 at 14:54

    This post left me exhausted. I must say it sounded a bit terrifying as well. Glad you finally made it home safely.

    As for the book regarding the phone book, you still may be the only one who actually reads the phone book as the title suggests…”but no one reads”. 😉

    Like

     
    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:26

      It was beyond epic, I must admit but then that is part of the fun…when i think about it afterwards…although now when things go wrong I do try to look on the bright side and think about how I can turn it into a blog post.

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      • LuAnn

        19/01/2014 at 18:29

        Looking on the bright side always the best approach and if you can spin it into a blog post, all the better. 🙂

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        • Ste J

          19/01/2014 at 18:32

          Everything I experience is now fair game for that! It’s almost to easy sometimes then I feel like I am being lazy, I really do need the exercise.

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          • LuAnn

            19/01/2014 at 18:37

            Wish my brain was as pliable as yours! 😉

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            • Ste J

              19/01/2014 at 18:39

              I think it is more mercenary than anything, grabbing here and there to see what angle I can get. I also insert a stick into my ear and poke my brain regularly to make sure it is malleable…I recommend this technique to everyone for there is no danger…honest.

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              • LuAnn

                19/01/2014 at 18:41

                I would follow you almost anywhere but… 😉

                Like

                 
                • Ste J

                  19/01/2014 at 18:44

                  haha, you passed the test, you get a free subscription to this blog now…don’t tell everybody though, they’ll all be wanting it for free.

                  Like

                   
                  • LuAnn

                    19/01/2014 at 18:52

                    Thanks Ste J! My lips are sealed. 🙂

                    Like

                     
  7. angela

    19/01/2014 at 07:39

    Oh dear, traveling can be a lovely adventure, yet there must be consequences for all that fun (some crazy rule book of life). Glad to read you survived Mpls airport- I was delayed three hours there once and it felt like years. Craziness with your lift home!. Hope life is returning to normal, cheers ~ a

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    • Ste J

      19/01/2014 at 18:31

      Minneapolis is certainly an airport that oozes the feeling of depression…still it feels like an old..if now loathed, friend. Life seemed to become normal again quickly…almost to quickly, I must admit. It was a disappointment in that regard.

      Like

       

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