Extract of State Speech from the People’s Republic of Mondravia

13 Feb

Constitutionally circumcised as our beneficent country has recently now become, it is my great honour to present to you, our Glorious Leader, a man who towers above politics and religion (for he has abolished them).  A man full of verve, utterly becoming of a driven über capitalist.

Here today issuing Proclamation 94 of the constitution (another one, not the abolished one) we are proud to announce that all people, property, national pride and culture &c, &c and now up for auction on a well-known auction site known around the world as Stebay.


with the proceeds our heroic and noble leader – may the Gods (not the outlawed ones some other non specified ones) shine on him always –  will then be able to sun himself in the magisterial climes of Abu Dhabi and revel in the five-star magnificence that he (our sainted titan of a leader) will become accustomed too.

Once our illustrious county has been sold down to its very bedrock, those of you still unsold will have the overwhelming joy of seeing our chivalric commander-in-chief, leave in a partially fuelled decrepit Junkers 52 for sunnier climes as your auctions slowly tick to a close.

And from his lofty place in the heavens (not that heaven etc) and striking a stately pose will our sublime harbinger shall gaze across the fields of green, (not already sold) and exclaim “When I screw over my country, I do it blatantly and properly, so stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you western pretenders”.

So let the great Stebay auction of 2013 A.D (Absolute Domination) begin, thank you for your time, your moderate sacrifice will be noted in the Great Ledger of Martyrs, or at least would have been if Barre1_Face has not just won it for $0.89.


Posted by on 13/02/2013 in My Writings


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10 responses to “Extract of State Speech from the People’s Republic of Mondravia

  1. 최다해 gongjumonica

    14/02/2013 at 07:10

    Hi, Steve. Uh, weird piece. Why do I feel it seems connected with a particular Asian leader? Do you, subconsciously, idolize him? Hehe.


    • StetotheJ

      17/02/2013 at 19:14

      I love all those crazy dictators me, lol. I thought I would attempt something a bit off the cuff, not sure why. It was partly based on old Soviet speeches, that certain leader whom you refer too, and any African coup. Interestingly WordPress suggested I use a ‘Middle East’ tag for it.

      I’d be a better dictator, I know where the others went wrong, they kicked up a fuss about the books, I wouldn’t (except for Fifty Shades etc)


      • 최다해 gongjumonica

        19/02/2013 at 04:26

        Interesting to know this side of yours. Now that you mentioned it, I admit that I also have moments. Gongju for gongjumonica means princess in Korean language, but I was originally known as the Empress in university. My best friend (the Lord) and another friend (David the Emperor, but oh not from the same empire) planned on conquering the world. I know it sounds childish, but we did make it.

        We wanted the monarch (or whatever we called it) to rule the entire empire. Like dictators. And annihilate anyone who does not follow.

        Weird though. Here we were studying to be diplomats and all.


        • StetotheJ

          19/02/2013 at 17:29

          I would follow you, no annihilating for me. I would enjoy being your personal book recommender. Imagine that, I’d be badgering you everyday with more good books to read, you may tire of me quickly I fear.


          • 최다해 gongjumonica

            20/02/2013 at 03:32

            No annihilation? Why not? LOL just joking. I think a book recommender will be added to your job description as my ste-in-waiting. Can you still remember all your job roles?


            • StetotheJ

              22/02/2013 at 17:22

              There were many roles, I have just had to have a look at the list I wrote down, it’s getting longer by the chat. I hope I will get a good pension at the end of it all?


  2. 최다해 gongjumonica

    02/03/2013 at 12:52

    I can’t reply to the comment above. Reply disabled? or perhaps the number of comments in your post is limited? I had mine set to 10 or 15.. Anyway, choose your title. Above is personal book recommender (PBR) and official book chooser (OBC) in Facebook.


    • StetotheJ

      03/03/2013 at 21:42

      I sorted it now, I think if you reply from the notifications box thing you can carry it on without having to click the reply button. How about Lord High Keeper of the Tomes of awesomeness?


  3. pennycoho

    03/03/2013 at 21:04

    Too funny and great fun SteJ! I must confess you are on my list of people I would enjoy meeting.


    • StetotheJ

      03/03/2013 at 21:21

      don’t think a lot of people knew what to make of this, or it may have taken them by surprise. I wrote this with your admonitions in mind for not writing more original stuff. it would be cool to meet, of course. we would get on like a house that’s on fire which is strange as that would be destructive and we wouldn’t be, but we may come up with some ideas that are eons ahead of their time.



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