Departure to Melancholy

Today I had a good day, I met a friend in Nottingham, planned to see any one of three film’s but missed them all, went to the Disney shop and then the pub, had a strange yet fun meal, a few drinks and a long chat. Followed by the inevitable dash for the last scheduled train for Lauren and then the usual yoyoing around the platforms for me as each screen was telling me a different departure platform. I Finally got on the train and then I was aware of the idea for this – whatever it is –  post starting floating around my mind.

The feeling must have sneakily crept up on me as I watched Lauren’s train leaving. I watched it go all the way until the last lights had disappeared out of sight. Then it was, that I was aware of a brooding sense of melancholy. Strange, as I know I’ll be seeing her again soon, and before you all start thinking it, we are just friends, that is all and it works well like that. So there.

Now I like the melancholy feeling I felt, strange as it is to say, it’s a pleasurable melancholy I suppose, something brought on by no definable reason and is good to wallow in now and again. It’s more than just the finality of the evening over, the sense of knowing I won’t be seeing a good friend for a while. And I daresay i’d feel the same with any of my close female friends (you know who you are).  It’s more that sense of the city slowing down and closing up, everyone abandoning it for a night in with friends and family that affects me.

I took a seat facing backwards for the train ride home (I chose the right platform in the end) so I could see the tram stations on my right as i left the city, I like to see the stations; who is waiting, how busy they are compared to when I rode in on the morning train, the signals people give off towards one another and their surroundings, etc.  I love to savour the dilapidated atmosphere of what I see, the old buildings that are falling apart and bad graffiti, the sense of age and to smell that scent that you only get in train stations.

Maybe I’m being picky but it would have been better to sink into this state of melancholy during the dark nights. Where no one hangs around and the street lights accent that fact, and everything seems so much more deserted and gets that way much more earlier and quickly, where I can stand and watch people leaving the train and being met and picked up.  Then I walk home by myself but I enjoy that too, perhaps best of all.

The solitude is key for me. Can’t have enough of it. Well you can but not when i’m in one of these moods. If I could keep up with the words in my head I would classify it but i’ve never been able to keep hold of the words long enough to write anything particularly meaningful.

Although I was on a noisy train, with a truly annoying baby, I was alone in my head and that makes me happy. Anyway the feeling has gone now so it’s a moot point anyway but it was nice whilst it lasted.  I don’t really know what i’m getting at or why you might want to read this, but a post is a post even if its not my usual fare and maybe I just needed to talk anyway that’s your lot, i’m off to bed. Feel free to comment if you like.

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20 Replies to “Departure to Melancholy”

  1. I think i somewhat understand how you feel. I have felt like that a few times, especially if i have been hanging out with a particular cousin of mine who i don’t see often enough…i feel withdrawn and want to be alone for a while and just “stay” in the moment of our time together….if that makes any sense.

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    1. “stay” in the moment of our time together. I like that. I may plagarise it at some point if i may. I’m glad it resonates. It’s a strange and peaceful state, glad we can share it.

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      1. Boomie sure has, I was just doing a bit of guest blogging over there, or being a caretaker. I like that better i think. This post doesn’t really have a point as such. Just some random musings that I felt i had to write down before they disappeared into the ether.

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  2. Very reflective. I like. More posts like these on random things perhaps? What was the strange meal? that is being nosey since you gave so much detail on everything else! I get far too much solitude even for you. So reflections on anything in the real world would be interesting. i wonder how you’d cope in my situation…

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    1. If the mood takes me, and the writing is of a decent quality then I may pepper the blog with more stuff of this nature. The meal was essentially a sunday dinner but with the beef in a yorkshire pudding wrap. I have a video of it somewhere, as sometime ago I changed my phone camera to video and have no idea how to change it back. All very complicated and to technical for me. Not sure why i didn’t mention what I ate, maybe I just like to make things a bit mysterious.

      How would i cope…initially well, doing lots of reading but the time i had might make the reading even to much for me, and I would be more like you in your social sense, if I phrased that correctly. However thinking of that, makes me want to keep you company more, so that is a good thing. x

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      1. I can’t read much, not bookwise. i force myself on facebook n your blog lol n worse for few days sometimes if text too long n have trouble concentratin on audio books last few months. think you only see when i CAN concentrate. what would you do then?!
        sounds quite novel food.
        Is it samsung tocco lite? when you’re on the camera/video there is an icon that looks like a video recorder, press n it changes to camera icon.
        don’t know y i’m doin this now i should be resting n have a bad head.

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        1. I know I have aSamsung phone but I’m not sure what it is, it used to tell you on them, back in the days when they had aerials on them, but now i’m clueless. I think without books, i’d be a bit of a rubbish human being. But i am a biased to books as you may know. It would maybe free up the time to write though.

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  3. Ste, for somebody who is essentially a joker, you are ridiculously observant and brilliant with words, but then I knew that anyway! This is what you should be doing, not aiding the Green machine 😉 Keep it up mate!

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    1. Ha! The Green machine, i’m using that at work, when not quoting Private Eye’s coverage on the tax avoidance scams he may (or may not (that’s for the lawyers)) be using. I like your words too, especially the ones above. Not bad observation for a short sighted, colourblind, lighting specialist with no fatalities to his name (yet).

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  4. Yeah, in the times when you couldn’t read or write you would be a thinker like me, wonder what you would think- I have too much time to think. oh i saw 1 of your interests was lampposts so u could write a blog on that, or your beliefs as in existentialism. then eventually build a book of random musings. if you get stuck i could think of a topic.

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    1. My lamp post interst may just bore people to much lol. I like the idea of random book musings. With the way I sometimes go on it could fill volumes.

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  5. Well done. I dislike trains and the stations they insist on infesting but I sensed the feelings you wrote of so that is a small triumph!
    LLP
    SN

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    1. Infesting, i like that word. It’s very apt sometimes. I get fascinated by the wax and wane of people. I’m glad you got where I was coming from.

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