Today I had a good day, I met a friend in Nottingham, planned to see any one of three film’s but missed them all, went to the Disney shop and then the pub, had a strange yet fun meal, a few drinks and a long chat. Followed by the inevitable dash for the last scheduled train for Lauren and then the usual yoyoing around the platforms for me as each screen was telling me a different departure platform. I Finally got on the train and then I was aware of the idea for this – whatever it is – post starting floating around my mind.
The feeling must have sneakily crept up on me as I watched Lauren’s train leaving. I watched it go all the way until the last lights had disappeared out of sight. Then it was, that I was aware of a brooding sense of melancholy. Strange, as I know I’ll be seeing her again soon, and before you all start thinking it, we are just friends, that is all and it works well like that. So there.
Now I like the melancholy feeling I felt, strange as it is to say, it’s a pleasurable melancholy I suppose, something brought on by no definable reason and is good to wallow in now and again. It’s more than just the finality of the evening over, the sense of knowing I won’t be seeing a good friend for a while. And I daresay i’d feel the same with any of my close female friends (you know who you are). It’s more that sense of the city slowing down and closing up, everyone abandoning it for a night in with friends and family that affects me.
I took a seat facing backwards for the train ride home (I chose the right platform in the end) so I could see the tram stations on my right as i left the city, I like to see the stations; who is waiting, how busy they are compared to when I rode in on the morning train, the signals people give off towards one another and their surroundings, etc. I love to savour the dilapidated atmosphere of what I see, the old buildings that are falling apart and bad graffiti, the sense of age and to smell that scent that you only get in train stations.
Maybe I’m being picky but it would have been better to sink into this state of melancholy during the dark nights. Where no one hangs around and the street lights accent that fact, and everything seems so much more deserted and gets that way much more earlier and quickly, where I can stand and watch people leaving the train and being met and picked up. Then I walk home by myself but I enjoy that too, perhaps best of all.
The solitude is key for me. Can’t have enough of it. Well you can but not when i’m in one of these moods. If I could keep up with the words in my head I would classify it but i’ve never been able to keep hold of the words long enough to write anything particularly meaningful.
Although I was on a noisy train, with a truly annoying baby, I was alone in my head and that makes me happy. Anyway the feeling has gone now so it’s a moot point anyway but it was nice whilst it lasted. I don’t really know what i’m getting at or why you might want to read this, but a post is a post even if its not my usual fare and maybe I just needed to talk anyway that’s your lot, i’m off to bed. Feel free to comment if you like.